Success

Success is not only about reaching the destination, but also about the growth of one when overcoming hardships along the journey. It may not be remarkable in your life, but when you look back on your journey, you will feel proud of yourself and feel glad that you have made it through.

I never knew I would have to study piles of literature written in not only contemporary Chinese, but also ancient Chinese, and understand almost 41 centuries' worth of history when I chose the course as my first choice at 19 years old. I made the choice merely because I wanted to be different from most of my classmates who chose to pursue a course that is known to be very exhausting when it comes to working. I thought I could make it anyway with my capabilities and knowledge. I was conceited and the reason was childish for it was an important decision that would affect my life path. Though, I still find it ridiculous to this day that our education system would expect us to make such a decision at 19 years old.

You may fool the whole world but you could not deceive yourself. I was correct and also incorrect with the judgement of my capabilities. I seemed to excel in all the modules I took - I could write well-elaborated essays, conduct concise and informative presentations, and contribute to discussions on various topics. Everything seemed perfect and developed in a good direction. However, somewhere deep, I was insecure about where I was and what I was doing. As a matriculation-graduated student who dealt with mathematics where the world is just black and white, the immediate shift from a world with numbers to a world with Chinese characters and full of grey areas hit me hard. I could not empathise with the emotions that poems carried, nor could I understand the significance of doing research on literature.

Adding to the helplessness was the reality - the prospects of the degree. Looking at my friends who have a clear path ahead of them, I felt that my path was full of dark clouds, not knowing what my next step would be. While I hate to sound too “practical”, I often questioned myself what was the “value-add” to society of being a humanities student who studies literature, how could I outshine other people when finding a job, and whether I can be successful in life. In this competitive world, deciding to pursue a tertiary education is more of an economical consideration rather than a thirst for knowledge.

“I should have chosen another path,” I told the first-year me hundreds, if not thousands, of times when I lamented about the situation I was in.

However, life is unpredictable. Thus sometimes it is fine that you do not have a concrete plan of what is next. You just have to go with the flow and everything will be fine. I continued to struggle between being an excellent student in the cohort and suffering in understanding the significance of literature during the first two years. I cannot recall the exact juncture that caused me to relieve myself from these entanglements. However, after I took a module that brought me into another field and met an energetic and open lecturer, I started to change my mind about what a humanities student should be. I began to enjoy the classes, even looking forward to them. I began to embrace the beauty of humanities and value its significance towards society. I eventually graduated with flying colours and most importantly, I reconciled with myself.

Looking back on the ups and downs of my university time, I am glad that I had grown along the way and broken through my limits. I am proud that I am a humanities graduate who can comprehend the world with empathy, and understand that the world is not black and white.

This is one of the writing exercises I did in an English writing session.